PERSONAL TESTIMONY

My name is Clint. I am a fifty-nine-year old man, and I am a Christian addict. I am alive today, only by the grace of God.

My childhood was about as far from being normal as one can get. I don’t mind sharing that story, and, as a matter of fact, it is essential to my recovery to reveal that part of my past to God and to another person, so the healing process can begin. This shows the importance of a competent sponsor. My story would boggle the mind of Satan himself.

When I was in my active addiction, I chose cocaine over most everything else. The truth is that I used whatever was available. My addiction snowballed after an airplane crash many years ago. The next thirty years would prove to be a living hell.

I chose as a career to be a crop-duster pilot. I have lived right on the edge most all of my life, and I never expected to live a very long life. I wasn’t afraid to try most anything, and needless to say, I made some very bad choices.

I always knew that there was something different about me, but it wasn’t until I got into the Twelve Steps that I learned what, when, and why. I learned why I wasn’t able to manage my life and what, if anything, I could do about it. I learned that relapses were a part of the healing process and that confused me. I wanted to be "fixed" all at once. I also learned that I have to be more diligent and more honest if I was going to be successful.

Only when my family withdrew from me, and my addiction allowed the pain to become greater than the pleasure, did I humble myself to Jesus Christ and start the process of becoming a whole person again. Since then, my life has been greatly enlightened as was promised in John 10:10. Today I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and the quality of my life is absolutely awesome.

I didn’t get on the road to recovery or come to Celebrate Recovery by accident. God led me here so I can grow and help others who are struggling with alcoholism, addiction, or life in general. When I help others, I am staying out of the problem and in the solution. On a daily basis, I have to do something spiritual. Usually I start my day with a prayer and read some devotional literature. At some point in the day, I always talk to someone from my church or who is in recovery.

In closing, it has become obvious to me that I am only going to be as good, or as bad, as the people with whom I surround myself. And since my desire is to go with God, I have to surround myself with people who have that same desire. As long as I stay in the solution and out of the problem, I will continue to enjoy life just as God intended for me. I have to consider this on a daily basis.

These three ideas have helped me tremendously. One was that I was troubled and I couldn’t manage my life. Two is that no human being could restore me. And three is that God could and would restore me if I would just let Him.

TESTIMONY

I was born in 1973 into a loving home, with my grandparents, my brother, sister, and mother. Then when I was five, my mother left me and my brother and sister with my grandparents. Even though I was only five, I can remember the day she left very vividly. She had left a few times before that, but it was only for a few days, then a week, and then a few weeks. When she left the last time, I knew she was going to be gone for a long time because I can remember being that little boy sitting the window sill crying and begging her not to leave, but she left anyway.

My grandparents still loved us and provided us with the things that children need. We had a normal childhood for the most part. We went to church, celebrated Christmas and birthdays, and didn’t do without anything.

The last day of school when I was in the second grade, my mother came to the school and picked me up and told me that my brother and I were coming to live with her and my stepfather. I can remember being very confused. It had been three years since I had seen or even heard from her. That was a lifetime, it felt like, at eight years of age.

So my brother and I went to live with my mother and stepfather, and that whole summer was when a long road began for me. I was introduced to alcohol and drugs, and I had to grow up quickly. I had to get myself ready for school, and fix my own lunch and breakfast. My mother and stepfather used to have numerous parties, and people I didn’t even know were over at the house all the time. Furthermore, my stepfather was a very jealous person, and he didn’t want my mother to have anything to do with me. So I stayed on restriction all the time, living in a little bedroom with nothing to do but stare at the walls. During the summers, I could leave for the weekend and not tell anyone and come back on Sunday, and no one would ask me where I had been or even notice that I was gone.

At the age of eleven, I had sex for the first time with a woman that was between the age of twenty-eight to thirty-five. I thought that I was just becoming more of a man, but now I look at it as child molestation.

At the age of twelve, I met my father, and shortly after that, I moved in with him and my stepmother, who was very jealous also. But I was already too old to be raised again or live the way they wanted me to, so that situation didn’t work out. I then went to live with my grandmother. I quit school at sixteen and started on the road to drug addiction, but I was already an active drunk by this time. I did go to work every day, however.

I got married for the first time when I was twenty. It lasted about six years. My life was full of sin, alcohol, and some drugs. There was still no God in my life. I got a divorce at twenty-six and married my second wife, who is a good Christian person. So I played around with God at this point, sitting on the front row at church, but living in the back row of sin. God blessed us with a baby boy, who is my heart, but my life without God was getting worse. I truly was not happy, still drinking, living in sin, and gambling now and then. Then my best friend in this world died of cancer; God took him home. Well, I got really mad, and I made one of the worst mistakes of my life; I challenged Satan, and he brought it on, too. I had all kinds of things happen to me during this time while I was still living in sin and drinking.

I went to Penfield for the first time in 2005, just to please other people. There was still no God in my life. I learned a lot about addiction at Penfield, but nothing else. I stayed sober, or was a dry drunk, for about fourteen months, then went back to sin and drinking, but even worse: never coming home and treating the people I loved and those who loved me (my wife, son, in-laws, and many others) like they were nothing. The bad just got worse. I got another divorce, and I was still drinking and living in sin.

In May 2008, I was sober one night in my apartment. It was late, about midnight, and it felt really dark in my apartment, really hollow or empty feeling. I turned the TV off and turned over to go to sleep, and I could feel a presence in the room. I was lying on my side, and something put its hands on me and held me down. I felt like with my physical strength, I could move it, but I couldn’t move at all. I was helpless, so I was getting really scared for the first time in a long time. All I could think of was what my grandmother told me when I was a little boy, "If you are ever scared, call on Jesus, and He will save you." So I did, and whatever it was left when I called out to Jesus to save me. The next night the same thing happened, but was different; instead of two hands holding me down, it was two fingers. I can remember so vividly about the two fingers I could not move. It had so much power over me, but when I called on Jesus, it went away. Well, the third night was different, but with the same feeling of emptiness in the house, yet stronger than before. I lay down, and about the time I closed my eyes, something hollered in my ear like nothing I had ever heard before. It wasn’t that it was loud, but I could feel the anger in it.

I had tried for many years to take on the devil, but I couldn’t do it alone. However, with Jesus Christ, I learned I could. The devil was showing me on two of those nights what kind of power he had, and on the third night, that he was mad because I was with my Jesus. I beat him finally. Very soon after that, I went to Penfield for the second time, and I got the spiritual side of the program. I have been walking with God, and I have had blessing upon blessing. I have had some bad times, but since I have been walking with God, I have had peace in my heart. As long as I have Jesus in my life, I can do anything and go through anything.

They call it a walk, not a run. Thanks. Jody B.

"If you really believe

PERSONAL TESTIMONY

My name is Ron "DeLane" Douglas. I am thirty-seven years old. I had a really wonderful childhood with loving parents who, if anything, overprotected me. I lived a sheltered life for the longest time. I was spoiled for the most part, and was very blessed with the parents I had. They were not perfect by any means. I remember being punished because I was always rebellious. Sometimes I deserved my punishment and sometimes not, but they tried. It’s not like children come with instructions. For the first sixteen years, I was normal and did not smoke or do drugs or anything.

My addiction began small with alcohol and weed on occasion, but as the years went on, it progressed into full-blown addiction. I have put things in this body that are too many to number, but believe me, I was a drug garbage factory. God got my attention by simply opening my eyes and letting me see. Now, by the grace and mercy of God through Jesus Christ, I am free indeed. So who I was is not who I am and who I am never wants to see who I was ever again.

My advice to others wanting to stay on the road to recovery is that they focus on God. Jesus Christ is the only way to life! Also, do not focus on what I have to say, but just go and seek what God has called you to do. Every breath we take is a precious gift from God. Every breath is His and every one is precious. He gives and gives and gives, and when He wants, He can take it away. So, I ask, how many breaths have you taken and used for God? Every living man, woman, child, beast, bird, bug, and every living, breathing entity is all from one breath of God. How will you continue to use your breath for self? I hope you will not. If you think you can continue to do wrong and not live for God, try to do it without the gift of each breath you take.